Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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