Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Randomize
