Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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