1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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