FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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