Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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