p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
