I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Randomize
