Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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