If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
