i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
