My sheets look like a crime scene.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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