i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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