would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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