Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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