took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
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While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
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I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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