Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
