Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
foreskin is a definite game changer
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
