We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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