since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
