That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
