Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
