she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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