3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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