clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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