i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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