At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You're a waste of cheezeits
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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