i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
