I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize