About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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