As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
