Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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