The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Congratulations! We have a period
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