Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
