Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
