god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Randomize
