OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
