Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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