well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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