Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
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I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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