Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
