I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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