Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
