She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
