You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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