so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
