You're completely useless in the revolution.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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