drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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