You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
