So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I need to sanitize my soul.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
