I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
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My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
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last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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