i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
