I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
