Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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