What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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