I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
