He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
