yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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