he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
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Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
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Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
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