I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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