So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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