would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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