New invention idea: vibrating tampons
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
