Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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